Why?
by COOKIECHEESEMAN
Summary: FE4. Levin meets a spunky young girl named Sylvia. They're perfect for each other... unfortunately, though, the narrator simply doesn't care. LevinxSylvia.


Author's Notes

I'm going for the sarcastic narrator approach again. This is just silly fluff anyway for the most part. Hopefully it works out!

This fic is rated T for a reason! Beware!

* * *

Why?

Levin liked little girls.

He was a bit of a pervert that way.

That must be why he...

"Ya calling me a little girl?" a little girl had said to him one day. "Little girls don't have _these_ , do they?"

The little girl was, bizarrely enough, referring to her breasts when she said this. She obviously didn't know what she was talking about, because every human on the planet had breasts, even men. Either way, if she _was_ referring to the size of her chest, she had still uttered a dumb statement, for the small bumps on her chest that she was referring to were not very big at all. She wasn't very smart.

Levin should have just dumped her on the spot.

"Heh heh, it's how you use the size that matters! You're a feisty one. Everyone else I met was so mild-mannered. I'll take you out for dinner!"

Despite the illogical reasoning behind it, he stuck with the girl. He found out she was a lowly dancer, which is a horrible profession for little girls, but only added to Levin's interest in her. He even found out that her name was Sylvia. Who would name their daughter 'Sylvia' if they expected her to have a career in dancing and most likely prostitution?! They could have named her 'Candy', or even 'Candi'. They could have taught her the best way to seduce a man like all dancers know how to do. Why was Levin still associating with this girl?

"Bleck! This food is disgusting!" Sylvia complained, spitting her yolk-covered caviar onto her plate. What kind of pathetic person can't appreciate fine dining like this?! Levin should have been embarrassed at her actions.

"I should have figured that you wouldn't like food like this!" Levin snickered. He actually found this funny! What's wrong with him?! Didn't he care about how other people viewed the situation? "Let's go somewhere that you'll actually enjoy yourself. What do you suggest?"

Levin! Why would you give this little girl the choice? She'd probably take you to some hole-in-the-wall inn that serves moldy fish and chops.

Have _you_ been to a place that serves tasty chops? Neither have I.

* * *

So it turns out that there actually _is_ an inn called "The Hole in the Wall". That's just screaming as a place where people get violated against their will. I suppose it could have been worse; "Naughty's Corner" is the place next door where you _voluntarily_ get violated against your will. It's confusing and scary at the same time.

"You know, Sylvia, I have to admit, I've never eaten tasty chops before, but these are delicious! Wonderful suggestion."

...

...

...there was obviously something wrong with Levin today. Sure, he'd mingled with people of all backgrounds, so he had no problem eating low-end food, but still, it's the principle of the matter that matters!

"Whenever I'm with a girl, they always try to impress me by acting high-class," Levin (for some reason) admitted to Sylvia as he chewed his fish, "but you just act like yourself. You have no idea how refreshing that is."

"Heh, what ya see is what ya get!"

Yes, that is true, sadly enough. Nobody should want what you want others to "get".

"So, I should probably reveal something about myself that normally I wait much longer to do..."

No! Levin! Don't tell her about the mole on your left butt-cheek! No one would want to hear about that! The last time someone found out about that, you were washing dishes for a week!

And yes, no context whatsoever will be provided for that statement.

"...but I'm the prince of Silesia. I'm next in line for the throne."

Why would you reveal a secret like that? She probably knew someone from the slums who could kill you with their eyes closed! I'm telling you, you've made some stupid decisions today...

"...really?"

Heh heh, don't look so surprised! Couldn't you tell from Levin's dashing good looks that he's not _just_ a travelling bum looking for some action?

Wait a second, she looked... guilty?

"I'm sorry, but... I should go."

There she goes! Wow, that sure changed her mind quick. Good thing, too. Levin would have gotten in some serious trouble trying to tempt that little girl into doing something. HOOOOOWIE, that was a close one...

Wait, where are you going? Don't follow her! She's not worth it! She's got a bad personality, and she's not even that good-looking! Noooooooooooooooooooo...

"Sylvia, wait!"

Why couldn't her name at least been "Candi"? At least it would be a somewhat fitting name! Don't keep following her, she's not worth it...

Whew! She somehow got away from him! Good things _did_ happen once in a while! Now, Levin could focus on a girl that's more befitting of his status. Maybe a minor noble or something! The swordfighter Aira was related to the king of Isaach. Plus, she's hot! You won't see _her_ tied down with some loser. And _she_ didn't have tiny bumps on her chest like the little girl did; she had very noticeable lumps that normal men would have found appealing!

"She got away..." Levin puffed, gasping for air. The guy was great at dodging stuff, but actually trying to catch something was a different story. "Dang it. She actually treated me like a normal person..."

Stop being a baby. There's so much better you could find than that girl...

"Sylvia!"

Wait! Why are you calling for her now?!

"Sylvia! I know you're nearby," Levin shouted, although I had no idea how he would be aware that she was in the vicinity. He didn't even _have_ the Awareness skill! Only FE5 had that! "Can you at least _tell_ me why you ran away? I don't bite!"

And of course, to my dismay, Sylvia revealed herself, albeit barely, from a wall. Hmph. Lucky guess, Levin. "...well, you _did_ tell me your secret..."

Not all of them lady. You'd never want to find out the story behind that butt-cheek mole of his.

"My foster father... he never liked me. He sold me to a noble once ta pay rent," she revealed as she still hid behind the wall. "And he... treated me so good, but then, I never saw him again..."

And then she began to cry. Baby. "I'd never been treated nicely before... my foster father always... hit me. Any low class people I danced for treated me like crap. You, the first nice person I meet in a long time... a noble, a noble who might leave me again!"

Levin, Levin, Levin. You've played with tons of girls. It would be obvious that you _would_ leave her...

"You can trust me."

What? No! Bad Levin! Now was a perfectly good time to not get involved! Stay out of it!

"I may like to have my fair share of female companionship," Levin stated confidently; he had commented on what was obviously the biggest understatement of the day; "but when I give my word to someone, I never go back on it."

The stupid prince then slowly closed the distance between himself and the pathetic dancer who just stood there in confusion. Talk about dumb. "I want you to come back with me and become my queen."

My jaw dropped. Well, if I had a jaw, it would have dropped. How could you make such a promise? Why would you want to? I said it before, she's not worth it!

"I will _never_ leave you."

And now he walked up to her and gave her a hug. Great. Would he actually go through with it?

"I promise," he whispered as he stroked her hair. What a ham. Would she fall for something like that?

She hugged him back while still crying. I guess she did.

"...I accept."

* * *

So yes, despite the fact that I did everything in my power to prevent the relationship, Levin and Sylvia ended up travelling together for the next few days before being conscripted into Sigurd's army. I just couldn't understand why those two would be good for each other. To an extent, he was a sleazebag womanizer... but he did keep his promise to the dumb girl, and he treated her very well. And the dumb girl certainly never treated the (to an extent) sleazebag womanizer any differently even when they eventually became king and queen later on in life, which he appreciated...

The answer was obvious. There could be no other reason why he would choose to spend the rest of his life with a dancer with small bumps on her chest that was most likely involved in prostitution:

Levin liked little girls.

He _was_ a bit of a pervert that way.

That must be why he chose her...

THE END

* * *

Author's Notes

I apologize to any ladies reading this fic!

Well, I did it. This is officially my final request, fulfilled for Cormag Ravenstaff! For those who didn't read my latest A Glimmer of Hope chapter, I'm cutting off requests for good. The reason why is highlighted at the end of that chapter. I can't believe I've changed since so long ago when I wrote my very first request for Tom-Ato13 years ago, which was my SalehxEirika fic Comfort. I can't even write a romance/humour fic anymore without putting some sort of hurt/comfort into the story! :p It's Cormag's fault that I wrote this in past tense instead of my usual present tense! It was difficult! You're welcome. :D

I'm not sure why I decided to go with the sarcastic narrator again that I originally used in my RossxLute fic I'll Show You!, but either way, he worked a bit differently in that fic. There, he was a lot more sarcastic; in this fic, he's downright insulting. For some bizarre reason, he DOES NOT want Levin to have anything to do with Sylvia. They sure put him in his place though!

And no, I have no idea whether "chops" are a real food or not. :p

For those who don't know, the skill Awareness is actually a different name for the Nihil skill throughout the FE series, although the name Awareness only applies in FE5 as far as I know. I thought it was kind of funny.

So, now what? I'm actually not sure if I'm going to write my next AGOH chapter, or something else in my writing queue. You'll just have to wait and see!

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